Thursday, September 14, 2006

Common Marriage Problem

Married with kids? Lost the romance in your life? Have intimate moments and uninterrupted lovemaking become a thing of the past? Do you sometimes wonder if you ever knew each other and do you just yearn for the odd candlelit dinner, special moment in front of a roaring fire or just an evening with your feet up drinking wine?

With the children around have you just forgotten what it's like to have some good adult fun?
So often you hear stories of the great love life that once was and that has just become a distant memory after years of putting the children first. If life is beginning to get you down and you are in desperate need of some light adult relief now is the time to make an effort and get some personal and relationship time back into your life.

If you are faking sexual enjoyment or constantly saying no just because you have lost the time, energy and desire now is the time to put your marriage first and resolve one of those common marriage problems that can develop into real relationship killers.

My advice to couples that are struggling with the intimate side of their marriage is to rearrange the priorities in their life. Make time to be together, no matter how much you love your children you need time without them, time to enjoy adult company and time to be alone.

Your marriage needs to move up your list of priorities, don't wait for spontaneity, it just isn't going to happen, when can it when the children are around? Learn to plan time together, arrange for someone else to look after the kids, plan for all your children to be visiting friends at the same time, have a reciprocal arrangement with friends or neighbours which allows you both to have some relationship time. Look at summer camps and kids clubs and any other activities that your children will enjoy leaving you free and relaxed to enjoy each others company.
Couples with children often become concerned about the loss of intimacy, the relaxed lovemaking and romantic evenings they enjoyed earlier in their marriage. It's a common marriage problem but certainly not impossible to resolve.

Don't just assume that once the kids have grown up you will be able to work on your marriage. I can tell you for sure it just won't happen. Just look at the number of marriages that end in divorce once the children left home and look at the number of loveless lonely marriages that exist just for the sake of the kids.

Your children are precious and should be cherished and adored but your relationship is where it all started, where the love between you and your partner created such special lives. Don't let the balance swing towards your children at the expense of your marriage. Your children don't need you 24/7 they need to know that you are there if they need you. If you asked them would they really begrudge the time that you need to give to your relationship if they knew that they would have two parents rather than one!

Is not making time for each other really that good for the kids when it means you are constantly arguing, not speaking or avoiding each other because you've let your marriage go to the dogs? Becoming parents shouldn't mean no romance, no love and no sex, it just means you need to learn to make time for those intimate moments that could ultimately lighten up your life and save your marriage.

For a start, make sure you make time each day for cuddle, even if it's ten minutes after the children have gone to bed. Always kiss each other hello and goodbye, caress each other as you pass (the odd fleeting caress when the children aren't looking is exciting and can heighten desire, it will focus your mind beyond the more mundane chores that come with parenthood). Flirt with each other, rent a romantic movie and watch it after the kids have gone to bed. Plan to be alone for the odd evening, afternoon or even a weekend.

Schedule personnel time, get your hair done, go shopping for yourself not the kids, by the odd present for your partner, do all those things that used to make you feel special.

If you feel good about yourself you will feel good about your relationship and if you feel good about your relationship you will spend more time focusing on how to get time alone and what to do when it happens. Who needs spontaneity when less time together means that every moment is that much more special……

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Sunday, September 10, 2006

Can Swinging Make Marriage Stronger ?

I came across an article today published in ABC News.

Have you came across a term called swinging ? Is swinging equivalent to "approved sexual affair" ?

Here are a snippet from ABC News ...

On the hit ABC show "Desperate Housewives," cheating destroys marriages because spouses lie and get caught.

But we found couples who say they have found a way to enjoy the company of others without the deception. It's called the "lifestyle," or swinging, an arrangement in which couples have sex with other couples, and there is no secrecy.

Brian and Olga Depenbrock got married four years ago. Now they run a business together, and after work they like to go to a club in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., called Trapeze, which also has branches in Atlanta and Philadelphia.Trapeze looks like other nightclubs, with a dance floor, buffet, bar.

But it's not like other clubs, because in back there's a locker room where couples can get undressed and, if they want, have sex in different bedrooms with other couples — or watch one another in hot tubs. It's called swinging or the "lifestyle."

Isn't it immoral? Four couples I talked to said no, it's a good thing.

"What we do is not illegal. And I don't believe it's immoral," said Brian.

Chris, who takes part in the lifestyle with his wife, Lavonne, said, "I don't want to be 85 years old, looking back on my life, like, 'Man, I didn't have enough sex in my life.' " Like most of the couples we talked to, Chris and Lavonne didn't want their last names used.

Another swinging couple, Bob and Tess, were college sweethearts. They've been married 19 years, and five years into their marriage they decided to try the lifestyle.

"Tess was the first woman I ever kissed in my whole life. So you always have an innate curiosity about 'How would another woman feel?' I no longer have that curiosity," Bob said.

Swinging was Tess' idea. She heard about it from a girlfriend and was intrigued. She figured their relationship was strong enough to give swinging a try. "You have to be completely open and honest with each other," she said.

Won't they look back at their lives and feel that they ruined the intimacy they had with each other by having sex with all these other people?

Click here to continue reading .....

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