Monday, April 03, 2006

Trusting Wife, Cheating Husband

I read about this write up at TheStar.

So, I wanted to share it with my fellow blog readers.

Read on. Write to me if you have any comments.

I REFER to the letter, Two can tango but not three (Your Say, StarMag, March 12), by PS of Kuala Lumpur.

I was like Kim CF of Penang (It takes two to tango, Your Say, StarMag, March 5), who seems to think it is the wife’s fault if her husband strays.

My husband and I are in our late 50s. One day, he confided that one of his married friends was openly cheating on his wife. I did not empathise with the wife. I judged her without finding out the actual situation.

I had the preconceived impression she deserved it because this friend had claimed that his wife often went drinking with her friends and would sneak home only the next morning. My husband also disclosed that a bachelor friend was visiting prostitutes in southern Thailand. The friend confessed that his pleasure was intensified after he consumed Viagra. Both of us giggled and made a joke of this horny bachelor.

Not very much later, the joke was on me. I went into total shock one night when I overhead my husband talking on his mobile: “If you need money, text me. I miss you and I love you, sweetheart. Put that in your head.”

It was a long-distance call to Manila. He had been keeping a young bar girl there for almost a year before I found out. They even had great plans to have a football team of children!

More bombshells rained on me. I discovered that he had been making many trips to southern Thailand over the past few years, sometimes twice a month! Batam Island was another favourite destination.

His purported trips to Tokyo, Hong Kong and Bangkok ended in Manila. I had always felt sorry for him whenever he moaned about how tired he had felt after all the stressful work and long-distance travel. Now I know the real reasons for his tiredness. Indeed he had worked hard. Day and night.

When he was not “doing it” globally, he was doing it locally. His common lines of excuse: “I have to take care of overseas visitors”, or “I have a late meeting this evening”, or “I have to work on an urgent project tonight”.

Perhaps, subconsciously, he was telling me about himself when he related his married friend’s infidelity and his bachelor friend’s passionate combination of Viagra and prostitutes. I was the typical “blur” wife who worshipped the ground her husband trod on and did not pick up the vibes.

In the first place, I had no reason to doubt his marital faithfulness. He was a highly respected church leader (God-fearing men do not cheat), always ready to lend a hand to one and all.
My foolish old man lost all his senses over this sexy bargirl, resulting in his setting up a second home with her in Manila. May my stupidity be a wake-up lesson to all the Kim CFs out there. You think your ever-so-loving husband will never cheat on you if you are a good and submissive wife. You believe your darling will be grateful and faithful because you bore his children, waited on him hand and foot, spent hours at the slimming and beauty centre to look good for him, and spent every penny of your hard-earned nest egg to bail him out of his financial crisis.

If he strayed, chances are you are to blame. Yeah, dream on. Take it from me. I wasn’t only stupid. I was stupid twice over. He had cheated on me 20 years ago. Just as the pain had worn off, the tears had dried, the bad memories faded, and we had gotten back on our feet from financial ruin and become a happy family once more, off he went sowing his wild oats again.
This time he was much bolder and more sophisticated in his cheating game. He was much better off financially than two decades ago. He could even afford a love-nest in upper-class Manila.
All in all, he enjoyed his work and played to the hilt. He was not short of travelling companions either. His adulterous friend and the randy bachelor formed part of his entourage.

We will be grandparents soon. A well-meaning person advised me to keep the peace at home and not to quarrel with my husband. She said, “Let him be. How long can he continue ‘playing’? Age will catch up with him. Surely he won’t be able to ‘do it’ anymore in a few years’ time.”
This is not a fair world. Men can play till they’re old, bald, wrinkled or grey. Strong aphrodisiacs keep them standing long and hard even when they already have one foot in the grave.
Women? Who wants to play with or even look at shrivelled, white-haired women with sagging breasts and Sahara- desert dryness?

Their years of devotion to and sacrifices for their family will not be remembered or appreciated. Men, on the other hand, will always be surrounded by porcelain-complexion playmates as long as their wallets don’t run dry.

Stupid Twice, Selangor

All About Cheating