Monday, April 24, 2006

Cheating Husband Story

My husband of almost 2 years, had an affair on me and as a result the other woman is pregnant. He revealed his infidelity the day after my 29th birtday, and has not been able to explain to me why he did this.

My husband left me last year 2 months before our 1 year anniversary, and we stayed apart for 6 or 7 months, the whole time, it was him saying he did not want to be married, that he was not as ready as he thought he was, and it was his fault because he pushed and pushed until we married. Even before the separation he was conducting himself in a way that was inappropriate for a married man, looking at internet pornography, chatting online late at night with other females, and even conversating with them on our house phone when I would go to bed.

Well just before Thanksgiving last year he decided, he loved me and wanted to be married, and he was ready to commit to me fully (only after I advised him I had spoke with a lawyer and a divore would cost in the low thousands). Anyways, long story short we reconciled and were working on restoring our marriage to what it originally should have been. Then as I stated above one day after my 29th birthday, he tells me he had an affair while we were separated, and this woman is pregnant (but he's gonna have a DNA test to make sure it is his).

There was nothing that I did not do for my husband, I cooked, cleaned, kept myself only unto him. I was a virgin when we married and I am so hurt now that I waited and married him and gave something so precious to a man how did not have enough respect for me to not cheat, no matter if we were separated or not. He will clearly say that it was nothing that I did, so finding out why he did this and discussing it....is not relevant, because he did it because he was selfish. Now he wants me to live with his mistake, and a child. We don't even have children together, how do you repair or save a marriage a 2nd time around.

His parents are just as upset about this, and cannot understand why he would do this. We have all asked do you want this marriage, and he simply says "yes" I think that he is afraid to say no, for fear of what God will do to him, for trespassing against his commandments, and for lying and using me and this other woman. I don't feel sorry for her, because if I can believe him, she knew he was married.

Anyways, I say that to say this...I don't know if a person can save a marriage if the other person has hurt them in this way. If they are like me they are thinking revenge! Something that would hurt the person who cheated so much....like sleeping with all of his/her co-workers, or getting pregnant with another mans child and pushing it off as his....REVENGE.

If you believe in God like I do, then you have to believe that you don't have to seek revenge, God will punish the wrong-doer much worst than you could, and you will still be righteous.

Submitted by Anonymous.

PS : I am not sure how I could help you but I am willing to get you a copy of http://SpotCheating.com ebook. Hope it can help you in some other manner.

Send me an email. Thanks for your submission.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Commisserate with us:
http://www.womansavers.com

11:44 AM  
Blogger The Urban Kunoichi said...

I am happy to have found this blog, and sympathise so much with your pain at having been deceived so ruthlessly by the man you loved.

In one of my own blogs, I post about privacy, security, tracing people, etc. and have to admit this has partly been influenced by my own experiences.

I commend you highly for realising that revenge is not the answer. Be true to yourself and iknow that good things will surely come your way!

11:12 PM  
Blogger bwgenther said...

Allow me to preface this by saying that I feel sorry for this child. The poor choices made by everyone involved in this situation will end up hurting the baby most of all. That being said please allow me to comment on this situation.

It seems like you have found a husband that doesn't know who he is. It seems that he wanted to get married because that is what you are "supposed" to do. However, once he got there, he realized that he is not ready or willing to communicate his needs or make the sacrifices necessary to keep a marriage healthy. This doesn't make him a bad person that deserves the wrath of God. It makes him someone that lacked the self-awareness or the fortitude to admit the truth to himself and those he cared about.

I think it was underhanded to use the cost of divorce as leverage. You may not want to believe that you did, but you wouldn't have mentioned it if it played no role. By keeping him in a situation he obviously did not want to be in, you must assume some of the responsibility for creating the current situation. I guess I am curious as to why you would want to continue this relationship. You faith obviously plays a role, but how predominant can it be if divorce was an option already laid out on the table?

You clearly hold a great deal of resentment towards this man. This is evident in several quotes from your entry. You mention that he told you the day after your 29th birthday. If you do not think that he did it to hurt you, why do you cite the date instead of just leaving it at "he told me?" You also seem to think that he owes you something. "There was nothing that I did not do for my husband, I cooked, cleaned, kept myself only unto him. I was a virgin when we married and I am so hurt now that I waited and married him and gave something so precious to a man how did not have enough respect for me to not cheat, no matter if we were separated or not." He has really hurt you, but you are making yourself a martyr. You are even asking for God to punish him worse that any human ever could, while you still can remain "righteous." If your ultimate goal is righteousness, why would you wish for the suffering of a man you want to remain married to?

My point is this. You are not ready or willing to forgive, and he is not ready or willing to be the husband you deserve. Sometimes, you have to make a hard decision to make the right choice. You must decide if you are ready to forgive him, raise his child without resentment, and be the type of wife and woman that you want to be. If the answer to any of these questions is no, then I feel you have to make the tough adult decision to end this before things get worse.

I wish you the best of luck with all of this. Keep your faith, and live by YOUR convictions.

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well this hard for me but My husband cheated on me. We had been together for 7 years before we got married which we did split up for about 3-4 months. We have been married for almost 6 years now and we recently moved back to my home town. He met someone at work and they had a brief affair and come to find out she is pregnant. She too is married. She is trying to say it is his baby. I am like you are getting a prenatal DNA test! Who is say that this isnt her husbands baby!! I have never felt so alone,angry,hurt,etc. I have never been pregnant we thought one of us couldnt have kids but...I guess I was wrong. I am still waiting to find out what is going to happen. I really do love him and we have been through alot. But I really don't know what to do

2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To be honest, I find all you women to be total moroans. If my husband DARED tell me he wasnt sure if wanted to be married, or had an affair....GOODBYE would be the last thing that he would ever here come out of my mouth along with...HALF whatever u have hunny Im entitled to half an more. So fuck dirty men...have more self respect and pride. We dont, need them. We got us.

2:49 AM  
Blogger becky said...

yes, my husband after 10 tens did this to us. i have two kids and live in the country. i was business with my son football, wrestling and school. and i worked two jobs.mon-fri 9-7pm and sat&sun 8am-11;30pm for three years. but 10/01/2006 till 01/15/2008 my husband talk to someone wife. she call me a work asking if i know his girlfriend. i asked him he said no, the girlfriend said get the phone bill. i did two week later. she was right. she would call him 7am and he would call me 7:30am and from 3-10pm they would call each other. he would call from his cel phone from our house. as of today he said he never call her. WHAT to do?

7:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its funny you say you dont need revenge because God will be serving it up later on... I dont believe God punishes however. God makes humans the way they are, so God would be punishing us for HIS mistake. But of course it wasnt a mistake. we create the rules of relationships and men and women try to obay them, but there biological programming will often not allow it.. so men stray this is then labled as 'selfish' They were unable to fulfill your requirments of what you believed to be true love and you are blaming the individual rather than the futility of the initial contract. Humans have been making the same mistakes for years and looking in all the wrong places. Some relationships work, some dont, some men cheat some dont, the ones that do are not evil, selfish or bad, they are simply men who do what they do it is as simple as that.. you are trying to put rules on nature and nature will win every time.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently found that my husband has been cheating on me after 20 years of marriage. It was such a big shock for me. I almost wanted to end up my life when i learnt about this. He is still living with me but has secret talks with his girlfriend on e- mails and phone. When confronted about this he is very cool about the whole thing and says he will never leave me but he will continue this friendship. I wanted to actually kill him when he spoke like this to me. Believing this stupid man i left my job and have not saved anything for myself.

Also I have children in their teens who will be terribly shocked when they come to know of this. I am sure my son will be able to somehow digest this but my daughter will end her life and will go mad as she loves her father very much.

After a lot of thought I have decided to go on with this marriage for the sake of my children. It is a pain to see him everyday do everything for him like any other wife would do for her husband. But i feel it is no use to shout and break the family. I have lost my husband but i am determined not to hamper the futue of my children.

As a mother I am sure my duty is to give my children a very happy life.

Because a husband will go to another woman but no child will go to another mother.

But everyday i struggle to keep myself together and control my desire to end my life. I actually feel i am already dead. Just imagine 20 years of my marriage has just gone to drains.

Sometime I wish god had not shown me this side of my husband. Anyway my strong belief in god is letting me go on with life.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi...i feel so sad that things like this happen to good people like you. however, i am happy to hear that unlike the rest of us, you are not the avengeful wife...i wish all of us would have the patience and the courage like you have.

i am also married. i am not sure if my husband is the cheater type since he has been very good to me. except for some behaviours of his that i cannot dig like hiding his cellphone from me, etc... when he was still my boyfriend, he slipped to text me and called me 'babe'. he never calls me babe. but when i confronted him who he was referring to he said it was his ex. anyway, we had a silly fight because of that. but we later patched up.

i am quite suspicious of his actions even up to this very moment coz he would not even share to me his mind on some things. i would openly give him my cellphone, but he won't share his phone to me.

i would like to know how to catch him if he is indeed cheating on me...coz if he does, i would not have second thoughts of leaving him. whatever happens, i believe i can stand on my on and raise my kid without his help.

thanks ahead

you can email me giftgoddess59@yahoo.com...thanks

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm suprised that a husband of 20 years cheated on you and is giving you an option to stay but with him whilst he goes on with his relationship and you say its ok. ITS NOT OK. You are letting him use you as his doormat. I wonder if you were to tell him that you have decided to have an affair also to balance of the equation will he be ok with that.

You say you are staying because of the kids, I don't think thus right. Your kids deserve to know the truth about thier father. You deserve a life. They deserve a real mother not to be lied to. I wouldn't be suprised if you a not being a proper mother to them. A good mother should be happy and loving not disgruntled and depressed. All you are doing is showing your kids that they should take abuse from every corner of the world.

You don't have to break of the relationship but you need to practice TOUGH LOVE and tell your husband to choose between you and the other woman. He must bear the burden of telling your kids why he wants out not you. You are the victim here, don't take the blame for his wayward behaviour. You did nothing wrong except being a good wife. He has to choose either you or the other woman. There is HIV/AIDS, who knows if the other woman is being faithful to him. Is she the only other woman in his life or there is more.

Get your life sorted out, get a job and start being independent. You are so dependent to him that you feel you owe him your life on a pedestal.

Please ladies don't let men treat you like garbage. You are beautiful and wonderfully and fearfully made. Jesus said anyone can divorce for reasons of infidelity (Matt.19).

Don't spend living your life depressed. Life is not about material things, I would rather live in a shack with my kids and husband and be happy than leave with a cheater.

5:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, for those that think you can live with a man that has slept around, good luck. Me, I researched why men cheat, they are bored, mid life crisis etc....Well I put up with the same thing and did not stray - can we talk about bad sex, please. Screw this, I actually meant my vows, bored and mid life crisis were not mentioned in my vows. Now I will focus on my career and taking care of my pets. The job pays, the pets are loyal-more than I can say for the soon to be ex.

5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel for all the women out here. I would warn if you live in Chicago to avoid a man named Philippe Penelle. He is legally married but pretends to be single. Lies to anyone he comes in contact with. Steals. Cons. He is from Belgium and has not lived with his "wife" for well over a decade. Immigration thing. Stays married to keep her in the country. Anyway. I don't understand why men cheat. Why men lie. Why men mislead. But, staying with them is enabling them. Kick these losers to the curb ladies. Have some self respect.

10:24 AM  
Blogger betty jo said...

i have read threw almost about everything on cheating and still have so many questions? I have been with the father of my children now for 7 years and the whole time since the first day we've met hes been cheating..this i know cause ive caught him and yet i still stayed why??? After the first for years he ended up getting involved with meth and went to prison and i was the one who stood by him and waited.He always told me it was the drugs..well hes out know been 1 year sober and once again its happening...he tells me i ain't keeping him happy at home with giving him sex whenever he wants it so hes found it elsewhere...my reaction?????? of course everytime he does this he makes sure i have no means to support our children on my own makes sure i have no friends and ect. i want him to leave to show him im tired of it but i also think about i cant...how am i going to pay the rent and bills when i kick him out so im stuck and thats how he always makes it and he knows i wont kick him out because of this. I know i can get a job and daycare yet until the money from the job kicks in where and how am i and the kids gonna survive? He likes this way.Not sure what to do and what floors me is hes cheating and yet he has the ball to come??? Why? Its like he throwing it into my face and makes it so hard on me then he even has the ball at night to get in bed with me?Of course im not intimate with him but whats all this about we have a couch. Im just tired of this game and its been going on for 7 years....need some advice and help.. please my email is boosweiner@yahoo.com

2:53 AM  
Blogger betty jo said...

i have read threw almost about everything on cheating and still have so many questions? I have been with the father of my children now for 7 years and the whole time since the first day we've met hes been cheating..this i know cause ive caught him and yet i still stayed why??? After the first for years he ended up getting involved with meth and went to prison and i was the one who stood by him and waited.He always told me it was the drugs..well hes out know been 1 year sober and once again its happening...he tells me i ain't keeping him happy at home with giving him sex whenever he wants it so hes found it elsewhere...my reaction?????? of course everytime he does this he makes sure i have no means to support our children on my own makes sure i have no friends and ect. i want him to leave to show him im tired of it but i also think about i cant...how am i going to pay the rent and bills when i kick him out so im stuck and thats how he always makes it and he knows i wont kick him out because of this. I know i can get a job and daycare yet until the money from the job kicks in where and how am i and the kids gonna survive? He likes this way.Not sure what to do and what floors me is hes cheating and yet he has the ball to come??? Why? Its like he throwing it into my face and makes it so hard on me then he even has the ball at night to get in bed with me?Of course im not intimate with him but whats all this about we have a couch. Im just tired of this game and its been going on for 7 years....need some advice and help.. please my email is boosweiner@yahoo.com

2:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check this out: Before I married my spouse 16 1/2 years ago, in discussions pretaining to fidelity, he promised to never call porn hotlines of any nature; this came up because he had done so when he was single, once that i knew of. He said that he was not tempted nor did it appeal to him any longer. It was revealed to me that he certainly had been doing so and paying ten dollars per minute to have phone sex with prostitutes. Needless to say, the marriage is over, the lying and perversion and betrayal were enough for me. I am currently broke and having trouble leaving in a practical way, but am determined.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Gennifer Lost said...

I went through the anger of being cheated on. And like the woman who called us "morans" and explained how quickly she would run...I was there too.

But today I am in a different place. We all have our stories. Mine is as sad, but it includes healing and compassion.

http://gennifersjourney.blogspot.com/

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and i had been sepearted because he became incredibly jealous and abusive because of it, we sepearted for two months but talked almost everyday we talked about mending our marriage, and i continued to pay for his phone so we could talk and he could speak with us step children which he said he loved just as much as if they were his own. He even came to visit me bc he does live out of state and we talked about me moving up there and i thought it was getting better. But in a weeks time he was using my phone to talk to her to pursue her and avoided talking to me as much as possible, he kept telling me it was like that, it wasnt what i thought. Until i looked at the phone bill and saw all the times he lied and told me he was going to bed and he was talking to her, to make a long story short he was already according to him in a weeks time no longer in love with me and wanted to be with her and would be filing for a divorce, and then to make it worse he started to defend her and belittle me when i asked why, i never really got any answers.

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watch out if you live in Walker Co. Alabama for John Jackson.
He is married, he tells everyone he is either going through a divorce or is fixing to get a divorce. He is a cheating,lying womanizer who has a wife that is good to him. He has had numerous affairs and even fathered a baby with a piece of trash,Patricia Harris, who knew he was married but did not care and continued to see him and have a baby by him and still doesn't care that he is married. It's a shame that the baby will be the one to suffer in the end for his parents actions

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was mentioned that Philippe Penelle of Chicago who works for Deloitte lies to women about his marital status. He is from Belgium and in this country on a green card. Does he lie to DHS too? What is his deal to pretend that he is married to someone he has no relationship with? Raphaelle his legal wife has another man in her life. These two aren't married. Is this an immigrations fraud thing?

8:41 AM  

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