Monday, November 07, 2005

Why Women Cheat

I am back to work now after a week of long holiday over here. Didnt do much work at home, I just eat and sleep every day. Getting lazy now.

Let me share with you another article today ... Why Women Cheat

Years ago a woman cheating on her spouse was unheard of but in modern times the number of women who cheat on their spouse is growing exponentially. The differences in men and women cheating is that men often cheat for physical reasons while women often have emotional reasons for cheating on their partner. The reasons why women cheat include loneliness, revenge, boredom and self esteem. These factors may be inexcusable but they do exist in the minds of a cheating woman. More and more women are becoming guilty of cheating on their partners and it is often emotional reasons rather than lust that drive them to these affairs.

Loneliness is one of the primary reasons that women seek out affairs and cheat on their partner. Although it sounds contradictory that they should feel lonely because the women are currently in a relationship, it is often a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling. Women involved in these unsatisfactory relationships may feel as lonely if not more so than women who are not in a relationship. If a woman is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she may be tempted to seek that attention elsewhere and become involved in an affair. A partner who becomes overly involved with his work or a hobby may not make time to spend with his partner and this often results in the women feeling as if they are all alone. This feeling of loneliness can drive a woman to cheat on her partner. One of the most prevalent reasons why women cheat is that they feel as though their current partner is not lavishing much attention on them and they feel lonely even in his presence.

Revenge has also become and increasing factor in why women cheat. The modern woman is no longer willing to sit back and accept the fact that their partner may cheat on them. If a woman confirms or even just holds a suspicion that their partner is cheating on them, they may be driven to engage in an affair of their own as an act of revenge. The theory of, “An eye for an eye,” has unfortunately trickled down into the realm of romantic relationships and many women see a cheating partner as a justification to have an affair of their own. They believe that they are justified in having an affair if they catch their partner cheating on them. Furthermore they may be extremely hurt by their partner’s actions and seek a way to hurt them in the same way. While it is not a justifiable reason, many women see revenge as an appropriate reason for cheating on their spouse.

Boredom may also factor into why women cheat. Their current relationship may have fallen into a rut and lost the excitement that it possessed in the early stages of its existence. They may feel that their relationship has become dull and predictable and rather than trying to bring excitement into their current relationship they may pursue affairs in the hopes of achieving the excitement they felt when they first became involved with their partner. While an affair may bring about a temporary solution of making the woman feel excited about love again it may ultimately destroy both their current relationship as well as their cheating relationship. An affair is exciting not only because it involves a relationship with a new person but also because it involves sneaking around and ultimately getting away with doing something wrong. To many women this is very exciting and they are willing to risk losing their relationship over their affair. Many women cheat because they are bored with the monotony of their current relationship and they seek to bring excitement back into their life through engaging in an affair.

Another reason why women cheat is a lack of self esteem. Women may feel that they are not getting an adequate amount of admiration from their partner and they may be tempted to cheat to affirm that they are still attractive and desirable. When a relationship meets a stagnant point where the partners are no longer making a conscious effort to reassure each other that they are still desirable, many women begin to feel insecure. This insecurity leads women to seek affirmation of their desirability outside of the relationship in the form of an affair. Being found desirable by another compensates for the lack of longing they feel from their partner and helps to boost their self esteem. While women with a healthy self esteem are more apt to remain happy in a relationship, those that lack self esteem are often driven to cheat on their partners.
Men are not the only ones who cheat on their partners. It is becoming more and more common for women to be guilty of cheating. While women are beginning to cheat as often as men the reasons why women cheat are much different than the reasons why men cheat. The reasons for women cheating are tied tightly to emotional reasons such as loneliness, revenge and boredom.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree fully with your comments. I am a married woman who decided on revenge with my husband but now has fallen in love with the other man. I am bored, and I am lonely. Even though I have never physically cheated on my husband, emotionally, I have with this other man. Now I just don't know on what to do.

5:29 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i, too, agree with this. My husband pays virtually no attention to me. my co-worker enjoys baking with me, shopping and other pastimes that I always did ALONE. having somebody enjoy doing things with you makes all the difference. My husband is a bore and a drip.

4:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, I beleive that I needed the self esteem. I have been happily married for 11 years when I had an affair with a friend of mine. He gave me the extra attention that I needed. He even noticed when I had lost 15 lbs in between seeing each other. I did say "no" at first, and really enjoyed the attention but the second time I saw him again the attention turned into the affair.

5:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After a rocky 9 year marriage, I met a man with whom I "clicked." We were friends for three years before I left my husband to persue a physical relationship with this man. I misunderstood what I was feeling, I wanted this friendship with my husband. Sex with this other individual made me depressed and full of shame. I was more comfortable to be away from this new relationship than inside of it. I will never get over the pain I caused my husband, myself or this other person. I acted horribly because I never sought help with the difficulties entrenched in my marriage. And I ruined a friendship...Think "long-term result" before jumping into anything like this.

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think "revenge" on a cheating husband will put you in a deeper trouble (emotional and spiritual). It will surely add more sadness and pain in you should you succumb to "revenge".

For me, crying and excercising are the best tonic for the healing process to start. When tears roll down, a psychologist said, it somehow reduces the pain and surely healing is there. Talking to the offender is one great tehcnique I did, I explained my feelings, tremors, sleepless nights, insecurities and sadness.

You know, when I was cheated by my husband, deep sadness came, as if someone died, as if I am grieving all day, but mind you it is part of the process. I am now on my 7th month of healing, I rate myself as # 3 if the highest or perfect score is a 10. Slowly but surely, with a lot of prayers and meditation.

Am praying for all of us.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am way over my head with my cheating. I have been lonely for a while, but, the guy I am cheating with also does not have much time because of his job and his live-in girlfriend. And to make matters worst I am in love with him. I never anticipated this being a longterm affair but it is going on for a while and I am caught in a dark place which is no longer within my control.

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the post. I had a 5 yrs relationship with a guy & it was rocky, unstable but yet there was a desire to stay with each other always. One fine day I met this new guy, who gave me all attention, was mature enuff to undersatnd my needs & gentle enough to handle a woman. I fell for him after 6 months of knowing him. I broke off with my BF & married this new guy. Fortunately, after an year of marriage We are extremely happy. I told the truth to my ex-bf before my marriage & he cried inconsolably.. Everything is fine today, except the fact that I feel guilty every now and then whenevr I get to hear that my Ex-bf is still depresed. I feel terrible. my husband is very supportive & loving. I love him a lot but the thought of having cheated somebody haunts me til today.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife cheated on me while i am currently deployed to iraq. I figure i could forgive her of this do to circumstances as me being away and being blown up by and ied /or being shot at daily so I forgave her. Then I found a video on my computer while home for leave. How can i forgive her of this or should I. The thing is my wife dont give oral sex to me after 16 years of marriage but on the video she's engaged in oral sex i forgave her because she told me it was a one time thing but if you make a movie doent that show a trust in the partner. How about oral sex married 16 years and have had oral sex perfomed on me maybe 10 times i dont get it

9:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the comments, too. I was married for 2 years before I found out that I cannot have children, my husband wants children. I had surgery to help the situation, and he left me to go to work, and I was alone in a new city, immediatly after I was released from the hospital. I had recently became friends with a co-worker. He was understanding, a great listener and helped me get over the fact that I cannot have children and not everyone wants children. My husband and I's relationship started to deminish soon after that. My new "friend" turned into an affair, and I never knew what love really was until I met him. It is really hard to keep the affair and my married life seperate, I want to be able to have life with "him" but I know that it will never be. I just don't know what I should do, get out of my loveless marraige or stay in it with having an affair. Any suggestions?

8:24 PM  
Blogger Me, Myself & I said...

I have been with my husband for the last 4 years and I know for a fact that he has indeed cheated on me. I think that the most recent time was just a week ago. He was getting ready to go home to jamaica for a funeral when I looked in his suitcase and saw that he had a "sexual enhance performance" pill hidden in a pair of pants that he claim was not his but sure enough when he came home so did the pants but not the pill, and he has yet to give as to what happened to the pill. I know that I do not make thing better by making excuses as to actually believing that he was taking "one" pill to someone else in Jamaica because his friend told him to do so. So now I am really thinking about having an affair because I am lonely and I an sick of being "stupid" for him. By the way within the first 2 months of our marriage he had taken his ex girlfriend out on a date to the movies and to the beach, and she had no idea that he was even married. I am tired of worrying about him and not myself.

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well. I have a perfect husband and a wonderful father. He is very emotionally available all time. I am cheating on him with my co-worker. "Blake" (not really, but for this purpose) lets me be the sexual person I need to be. "Blake" and I have truly amazing sex and it fulfills this void I have had. I don't really know what to do. I have no emotional connection with "Blake", it is truly just sex. My husband does not let me express this sexual person I am inside like "Blake" does. He just does not does tend to my needs the same. I do not want to lose my husband or hurt our marriage in any way. I have no intent of discontinuing my affair and I truly feel bad, but I think this affair has actually made my marriage better in some way. I am now being sexually fulfilled...I guess at this point, what he doesn't know won't hurt him??

6:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not cheating physically, but rather emotionally on my husband of 20 yrs. He has always been self absorbed in himself - everything has to be about him.
I feel like I'm falling for the other man, who I've known now for almost 3 years. He's very sweet and good looking too, but he's not without his faults.
What's a girl to do when we are caught between two worlds?

4:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i completely agree with everything.. and i feel for everyone who is in this situation. i think my situation is a little different though.
long story short, i think a mix of a horrible childhood left me psychologically scarred for life (emotional neglect, possible sexual abuse type of thing). or mayb its just a curse life has given us.
not gettin too personal, but sometimes when extra-marital relationships occur that are purely sexual, could be a result of past experiences, that the brain has repressed. you have everything you want in a man, besides great sex, or even if you do, you can never get enough.
even in the case of those looking for that emotional connection that is lacking. possible past emotional damage, from childhood or a past relationship, could be a huge factor in why we cheat. im not saying that is the case for every woman, i PRAY NO ONE EVER HAS TO BE ABUSED IN ANY SHAPE FORM OR FASHION. but i am saying it is somethin to think about. especially if its a recurring thing. even if your man is giving you everything you need, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, but yet, u still seek extra relations, as a suggestion for your mental stability, think about ur life and your experiences, and please talk to someone. its not fair to him, and is damaging to you in more ways than one by cheating on a perfectly good man.

11:59 AM  
Blogger MsBMWsgirl said...

I am always wary of when people criticize others by dictating how people should feel and act. I have been married for 20 years to a man whose idea of marriage is for his wife to exist solely for his benefit. My husband does not have what it takes to fulfill my needs on many levels. I should not have married him and in retrospect I know that. I made a mistake and yes it took a long time for me to understand that the mistake I made occurred long before we were married. I have tried to work on our marriage but he is unwilling as my needs appear to be deal breakers for him.

I have fallen in love with an old college lover and I am so happy. I have not physically been with my college friend but I recognize that this relationship's flourishing is another indication that the marriage is over. I wish this did not hurt, but I either relinquish my very existence to death (that's what this marriage feels like) or I make the right decision to leave it (albeit it is 20 years late). I am not going to get a do over on life. If my relationship with my current love does not work out, I am at least more hopeful about the possibility of love than i could ever be in this marriage. To those who have worked it out, bless you. Please don’t think that everyone should be able to do it because you did. It is hard to correct mistakes no matter how you do it.

12:01 PM  

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