Why Men Cheat
The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat. A man’s reason for cheating can encompass a wide variety of reasons including genetics, a sense of challenge, self esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship. While none are justifiable all of these can be reasons why a man chooses to stray and cheat on his current partner.
Although genetics may factor into why men cheat on their partner it may also just be a week defense for a man who is caught in his unfaithful actions. A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity. This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. While this may be true it is certainly not an excuse for unfaithfulness in our age of overpopulation. It may be true that in prehistoric times, men were tasked with populating the earth this is certainly not true today and is not a defensible excuse for cheating on your partner.
The truth is that in a truly loving relationship a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite any hormonal urges to produce offspring. The theory of man being predisposed to cheating does not hold water because while it may be true, there is no excuse for not being able to quell these urges.
Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity. Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy. Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat. To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else. Sure they may enjoy the physicality of the affair, but the pursuit and sneaking around is what really drives men who cheat on their partners. They see fooling their partner as a tremendous accomplishment and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush that is more important than the affair or even their current relationship. Men also cheat because they are driven by competition. If there friends are single or cheating on their partners and often have affairs with several women the man may feel that he needs to keep up with his friends. To these men affairs become a way of competing with their friends. Infidelity in men is often driven by a sense of competition.
Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost for them. The knowledge that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder for some men. They take pride in the ability to attract women and don’t care about the fact that doing so may destroy their relationship. To these men the excitement of the chase is almost more important than the conquest. Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable, is enough to stroke the ego of these men. In general it is a lack of self esteem on their part that drives them to seek out affairs in order to reiterate their attractiveness and desirability.
A man who is in an undesirable relationship may also be driven to cheat on their partner. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner he may seek out an affair out of boredom. If he feels his current relationship is lacking excitement he may also be driven to cheat in the hopes that he will find the excitement he desires elsewhere. While the wise thing may be to end the deteriorating relationship in search of a new more desirable partner, many men opt to hold onto the current relationship and engage in affairs. This may be because they fear that they may not find what they are looking for and may be left lonely and without a partner so they hold onto the failing relationship figuring that a bad relationship is better than none at all.
Men cheat for a variety of reasons. While none of these reasons may be justified, they do exist. The reasons that men cheat include genetics, competition, self esteem and boredom. In general while genetics may play a small part in the urge for men to cheat the majority of cheating takes place because men cannot control their sexual and competitive urges, are lacking in self esteem or are unhappy in their current relationship.





35 Comments:
I think you have it right with the one about men being unsatisfied in their relationship. I have been sleeping with a man who is not attracted to his girlfriend, but loves her otherwise. I am ashamed.
YES! You hit the nail on the head! I, too, was the affair resulting from an unsatisfied, bored man in his current relationship. Our relationship lasted 3 years and guess what? He did the exact same thing to me. Shame on me as I should have known better. Once a cheater, always a cheater, I fear.
I agree with the ladies above, the married man I saw for 3 years was very unhappy at home but didn't want to leave the cushy house, cars, lifestyle he had with his wife. Once a cheater always a cheater IS so true - I found out after 3 years he was not only cheating on his wife but on me as well! I have learnt my lesson - steer clear.
Yeah, my intuition told me to check my boyfriend's cell phone and sure enough there were text messages that were quite scandalous. I checked the cell phone bill and sure enough this chick's number was on it nearly 70 times in one month. I called his "friend" and we had a few words. Once I confronted my boyfriend all he could do was cry. Was it because he got caught or because he was sorry for what he did?? I asked but will probably NEVER know the truth. Oh well, I let it go and him as well...she can have him.
Who wrote this? Don't they know proper English or how to use a spell check? This leaves one to wonder how intelligent this person really is!
did your boyfriend end it with his friend, or did you take him back? What was his excuse?
okay, the guy i cheat with says his new woman of 9 months doesnt like sex as much as he does and doesnt want to experiment.he says he cares about her and doesnt want to lose the financial support she provides.I just do it cause he has an awesome body and know its all he wants.Im not expecting anything and prefer it this way.he likes the chase and emails me up to 10 times a day from work, says its thrilling to him.he also calls me when at home during stolen moments.pretty much like what the article says about some of the reasons guys like him like to cheat.....
As the wife of a cheater, and the one time mistress of that cheater. men don't change their pattern. My husband had no reason on this planet to cheat. He just can't break the cycle. Be careful now what you want and what you are willling to do, and have done, if you choose a married man or the man that you have cheated with , if your the mistress turned wife
I WAS BETRAYED FOR MANY YEARS OF MY RELATIONSHIP ANDI KNEW ALL ALONG.FOR 14 YEARS MY MAN CHEATED WITH DIFFRENT WOMEN AN FINALLY AT THE END OF OUR RELATIONSHIP THE OTHER WOMAN GOT STUCK WITH HIM.I THINK WHAT WE THE WOMAN AND MEN WHO TAKE THIS KIND OF ABUSE SHOULD BE ASKING OURSELVES,WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OUR SELVES?BY PUTTING UP WITH IT.
i recently found out on 10/29/06 my spouse of 9yrs cheated with a so called "friend" and he had the audacity to tell me that it was because i refused to be intimate with him as much as he wanted.. you know that's a copout because that doesn't within itself justify him going out and cheating regardless of him telling me he did and asking for me to forgive him.. i am angry and feeling helpless because we have 2 young sons to raise and i feel like i'm compromising by staying because i'm in a zone of comfort due to fear of raising them alone and being alone... i love him but the trust is destroyed... i want to leave but its not just about me its also about my sons.. and the reality is i know that i am not able to financially provide for them on my own so that's another reason i am still here.. i feel so damn defeated in all this and i don't want to try and work on the relationship though i told him i would,, what do i do.. he doesn't even fully understand or could care how deep he has hurt me.. but yet he thinks that i'm sorry and i'm trying to be honest after all these years is enough to forgive and to forget.. well i'm not able to not just yet,, i'm still raging.. it's taking everything i have left to not physically hurt him or myself...
Why get involved with a married man in the first place..............serves you all right.
I have been a victim of the ego man. I had a gut feeling and my friends told me to go with it. Long story made short, not only was he married but also having an affair with 2 other women as well has myself. He left me a very nasty email to sooth his ego and I with the help of many friends have not spoke or had anything to do with him since. Ego has struck again and sent an email to wish me a Merry Christmas and a wish for the best but I have the 911 on him and he has NO CLUE>>
but I do...
Sometimes cheating is not actually cheating.. in my case, My man cheated his wife becoz he found his soulmate..Loving someone for the second time around is wonderful..
Love you much sweetheart for coming in to my life.
I have no comments regarding with this topic.. We all both know the men are born to be lover of all women...
Dont blame all to men when he cheats.. admit girls that most of the time, we are the main reason why our men like to cheat..
I've had affairs before with men with partners and it was fun and no one got hurt.
I have also been cheated on but that was because the men were not seeing it as merely a bit on the side and allowed it to interfere with their primary relationship. Whether the earnings on the side of the bed were just sloppy or left there on purpose... It should never have been in my bed in the first place.
I am seeing a married man now and I am keeping him straight. He asked me to come over to his place and I flattly refused. My place only. I don't wear perfume when he is over for a quickie. I don't text him except when he texts me first.
He is happier than he has been in a long time and he is also treating his wife better now that some of his needs are being fulfilled by me.
I am relishing my role as his mistress and treating it with reverence. I am also expecting complete respect and adherence to the rules I have laid out for him.
One infringement and it is over.
Has anyone thought of it this way.. What if the wife got sick and tired of being disatisfied sexually because the hubby just wanted to get his self off and didn't worry about her needs. And she didn't want to hurt his ego. Then later on down the road she just gave up and just told him no because he wouldn't listen to her about her needs? Does that still give him a right to have a affair when the wife remains faithful and continue to love him no matter what?
I do believe that men who cheat are looking for a boost to their self esteem. The married man that I have been with told me that I make him feel sexy. But, I feel like crap, because I know that he will never leave his wife and I am getting nothing out of it but low self respect. His life is serene, so I think, while I struggle. He is getting his cake and eating it too. But, he obviously has issues to cheat and I do as well, to allow it to be with me. Ladies think about it! We are better than this!
I mistreat marrried guys that cheats on their wives. it really doesnt matter because he going to cheat anyways. I'm sleeping with this guy now that is in a relationship with his babymother of two for 8 yrs.I don't want him but i enjoy how he wants to please me and be please i think he does it for attention and to be seduce.he made it clear if its not with me he will have to find someone else, but i dont want him and they not married we having sex for 9 mths now unprotected and we have no std i respect his needs and he respects minds his women has no clue cause he home every night he cheats on her during his break when he working so she never no. (i dont want him either)
I have been having an affair with a married man for the past 5 months. The sex is amazing. I have never felt more beautiful or sexy in my life. However, I find that I am starting to feel empty. I am not interested in breaking up his marriage, but I do not know how much longer I will be able to be with him sexually without ever really dating him. Part of me is very happy that I do not have to attend to him all of the time. A growing part of me is feeling sadder by the day that I can not introduce him to my friends and family. We will never be together in any kind of real sense. The only real questions are - what am I getting out of this besides mind blowing orgasms? and how much longer before the empty hole of missing him when I am away from him outweighs the pleasure he brings to me?
i have been reading through some of these post and i honestly cant believe what some of you skank ho's have to say about cheating!!!!its obvious you havent been the one that was cheated on. you really should think about the woman who is sitting at home and maybe even trying with all she has to make her man happy, you know giving it her all if youve ever done that. please keep in mind also that there may be children involved. honestly if you arent woman enough to get a man of your own then leave them alone. why would you even lower your self to being nothing more then a secret ego boost. dont you see just how pathetic that really is, have a little self respect. one more thing, as the old saying goes, what goes around comes around
j
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Maybe this is a good outlet for me.
I am in my twenties and have been in a relationship since i was a teenager. We've had a rocky road in the years we were/are together.. We've gone thru things that people our ages then shouldn't be going thru. Growing up alone is hard enough, nevermind growing up with someone else..
Anyway, I met this girl after my girlfriend and I moved in together. My girlfriend is the greatest thing that ever happened to me... at the same time, I feel the relationship has grown stale and prevented me from growing into a man, as opposed to feeling trapped in a tennager's body.
Why the fuck am I babbling?
To make a long story short, I cheated on her. She knows about the one time, but not the other few. No actual 'penetration', but almost. And you know what? I feel like shit. Even if there was no sex, it was cheating. Most guys wouldn't dare to admit that. Their penis would fall off...
Granted. The fact that she lied to me about another man in the past made it feel 'okay', almost like revenge. But in reality, it doesn't. I should have left then.
However, I've always had this theory that 'if theres no ring, you're not someone elses and it makes it okay to explore.
It's not.
I am not one to cheat, never was. I was always against it. I feel I had to, to know for myself, to grow and experience as I didn't get to be with many people. It's important to have encounters. It helps one grow. But I should've done it single, instead of wasting her time.
I truly love her, not in love persay, but she is special. Very. I also have severe feelings for the second girl but I know that she would never do the things my girlfriend has done for me over the years. I don't think she's able to care for someone as much as my girlfriend does. And she knows I am in a relationship. Fuck. SHE is in one as well. As much as I dont want to see it, that says a lot about her, doesn't it.
So with this said, I cheated on her again, over an hour ago. Now I have to go to sleep with guilt, next to her. No one's fault but mine.
My advice to guys who cheat/want to cheat- it seems like 'the manly' thing to do? Gotta prove something to yourself? Put your penis back into your jeans and do it alone. Don't waste anyone's time. Not hers. (or his).
I feel like shit. Absolute shit. And I should. I feel like my father. I feel like all the men my divorced mother has dated and complained about. I feel like the guys who've hurt my sister. I am that guy. And it hurts. And it has to end. Both, I think.
Wow, this goes way beyond an affair! It's amazing how anyone can gleefully announce being a home-wrecker.
I've known of single women who had more love affairs with married men than singles. It's Likely they get off on the competition. It seems their self esteem is so low they stop at nothing to feel like number one.
And then comes the justification...some involved love story out of fantasy land. Never to consider how everyone has a love story, and theirs is no more majestic than the ex wife's whose life they chose to ruin!
Whoever you are, to flaunt the so called happiness you have with a man who (spiritually) is still another womans husband, just shows your lack of class and self respect.
There is no doubt your relationship has caused immense suffering for others. How could you be so proud of this? Have you no self love, empathy or conscience?
Or do you and he actually live in complete denial that you've intentionally inflicted wounds that will never heal? All done deliberately just to live some trumped up twisted fantasy of a soulmate? Get Real!
If you knew what SOUL LOVE really is, you wouldn't be labeled a tramp and a home-wrecker. People who can be so shamelessly cruel don't have a soul to speak of.
If you have to lie, sneak, and devestate families, to force it to fit, then it doesn't belong there!
I'm sure you have mutual love between you. But chances are greater that you are fulfilling his sexual desires in exchange for his fueling your low self esteem.
Stop giving him sex for awhile and see what he really bases his undying love on.
Or are you too afraid you'll end up like the ex wife?
Sadly, for both of you and the like, there's a cold, hard reality when you have to reap what you sew.
I have to commend you for a man in his twenties to have a conscience, knowing no matter what the situation, you only wind up cheating yourself later.
It's not fun to go to bed at night with that on your eating at you. It's not even about the other person as much as it is how we feel about ourselves as a person.
Unfortunately, being able to get away with it, only starts a pattern that is hard to break no matter who you wind up with or how much you love them :(
It's refreshing to see someone so young who can recognize it as poison to a relationship.
i just slept with a man who told me afterwards in bed that he was married. he figured we were a one-night stand so maybe i was expecting it. I wasn't happy to hear it, but i didn't want this guy for life anyway, so i got over it in about 2 seconds. but having just gotten divorced myself a few years ago (no cheating was involved) i've been spending a lot of time thinking about whether relationships can really make people completely happy over the long term or if its all a myth. so i asked him more questions.
he had a 3 year old son who he absolutely loved, and was apparently happily married. he just liked to cheat on his wife. he said it made him go home to her and love her more. he admitted to liking the chase more than the conquest, although naturally that part was good too. kind of like vitamins. he travels for work, so he explained its easy to do. he said that when you have to travel for work it never crosses their minds that you might be cheating.
the wife cheated on him once, 4 years ago. he'd never cheated on her before that but when it happened, he said it changed his entire mindset.
in the last 4 years he had no idea how many women he'd cheated with. (at this point i was very glad he was so insistent on using a condom, although i'm sure it was to protect him from getting caught with an std by his wife). he said cheating didn't even mke him feel guilty. it was a different philosophy that he had. the cheating was like vitamins and none of it meant anything at all, because he loved his family.
i don't care about this guy, but it does make me ask myself, isn't it possible that fooling around with other people really can have no impact on your "real" relationship? if a person is up front about it with the "mistress" and there's no relationship, condoms are used, and the man whistles on home to his wife and kid, who is really the victim?
I am a single 40 yr old female who is seriously considering an affair. i have never done this before and am curious. i met this sexy professional who has been flirting with me for some time and am certain he is married. i am conflicted bkz i am not sure about this but at the same time have sexual needs and no one else i am interested in. i have not had many relationships and no i am interested at this time. any advice would be appreciated.
Wow I must admit I never thought I would be in the position to write in on one of these blogs but I feel I must say something in the defense of cheating on both sides. I would never in a million years have dreamt of cheating on my husband and neither did my boyfriend intend on ever cheating on his wife but we are talking about 13 years of putting up with abuse on my part and 22 years of a loveless, selfish, and non-sexual marriage for him. I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes it happens and it doesn't always mean you are a homewrecker, sometimes you can't get out. I had 4 children and was for the most part financially dependent on my husband. It wasn't until I met my boyfriend that I realized that I had so much more to offer myself and my children then to stay in the abuse. I am one of the lucky ones though when I saw the affair coming I chose to get out and was able to get out. The problem lays in the fact that my boyfriend has so many legitimate reasons(that I can't or won't get into) to stay with his wife for now. I understand this and I know that I will have to wait to be with him maybe for years yet. You can not always condemn people for actually falling in love with someone when they are still married. Yes I truly believe in karma or soulmates or whatever you want to call it. We were friends before we started our relationship and we found each other at a time when we needed each other most. AND NO I DON'T BELEIVE THAT ONCE WE ARE TOGETHER HE WILL CHEAT ON ME. I am not naive either I just know that our reasons that we came together in the first place are reasons we would never give each other to have to cheat again. It isn't always about sex either. We go to dinner, go for walks, talk on the phone. text just to say good morning, it may not have happened at a good time but sometimes you don't see how bad your home life is until GOD yes GOD puts something or someone in your life to give you that push. You know all of you on this blog don't have the full story and to pass judgement on someone is just as bad of a sin.
mura man mog mga boang uie....
I discovered that my 'soulmate' for many years had many intimate relationships from the very beginning. He always chose married women for the obvious reason. They had to keep it a secret. Each of them felt they were 'special' and a 'soulmate'. THere is a very simple rule of thumb to follow. It would prevent broken homes and broken hearts. it is this: If you have to LIE and KEEP SECRETS about a relationship, IT IS WRONG. and ladies, why would you give yourself so freely to someone who would not acknowledge you in the light of day? Why would you betray someone for that? When someone has NO commitment to you, he is stealing from you. It is equivalent to stealing a car and taking it for a joy ride, with no intention of buying it. And if you do not feel you are worth more, and just like to copulate with no moral or health constraints, I STILL can't find much evidence that it ever turns out well. Most everyone suffers in the end. So why do people keep doing it and expecting different results? This baffles me.
intuitions are always right!
Do You Feel Like The Relationship that You’re In has an expiry date?
Is your partner a compulsive liar?
Do you keep going back to your ex when you know they aren’t good for you and you don’t know how to stop yourself?
Do you have bad habits that you want to refrain from but don’t know how?
Are you pleased easily with materialistic things, leading you to ignore what really matters?
Do you feel like you need to talk to someone anonymously about your problems?
Nothingspromised.blogspot.com is a blog made to focus on these phases that we approach in life it’s there to discuss, to share and to enjoy with its weekly story line of some experienced stories. You can also share your story you can contact the site about your problem and it’ll try and give you advice. You don’t have to keep quiet about what’s bothering you.
I look forward to seeing you on nothingspromised.blogspot.com - remember whatever you are going through is to make you stronger
My husband of 22 years left me for another women, then cheated on her with ME, yes i would let him in for sex just to get even with HER. then he married her and it only lasted 5 years and he left her for a STRIPPER he is one that moves in with women instead of dating them. Then he cheats on his STRIPPER girlfriend with ME again. He has lied to both of them saying he never cheated on them with me and that he cannot stand me and I am lying. Well our 2 children are now all grown up and our daughter is preg. and both are engaged to be married within a yr. well the girlfriend found out by looking at his cell phone that we were talking everyday, and told him she was not putting up with a F--- exwife and F----preg daughter. so they had a fight and he moved in with me for a week telling me he loved me and wanted me back told the kids we were getting back together the whole time the girlfriend was calling his cell and texting him hundreds of times a day. well needless to say after a week he again left me for the stripper girlfriend. Of course he did not have the balls to tell me in person so he called me at work to tell me "it was what it was" and "I wasnt ready to leave Jackie (the girlfriend)" I asked him if Jackie knew he had been with me and he said no he didnt tell her...So I called her and told her all about it and she told me i was a liar and he would never have come back to me..until I told her I had all his clothes, and medication because he was to much of a coward to tell me to my face. and had left all his clothes at my house. This man is 50 yr old and still playing head games with women, but also has given up any communication with his grown children because the STRIPPER girlfriend told him he cannot have any contact with them because of me. Now what kind of man would give up talking to his grown children who do not live at home and his first grandchild for a STRIPPER. Let me add she is still working as a stripper has 4 kids of her own is being investigated for welfare fraud, has a criminal record as well as everyone in her family, and he is in management with DUKE ENERGY and makes 180 thousand dollars a yr. they are living in a an area of town that is known as the slums, (of course his 2nd wife was also from the slums and had nothing)
I also know that both his wife and his girlfriend are into drugs and I now believe that he is also using them. His wife has filed for divorce after I sent her an anonymous letter about where he was living who he was living with and that he was hiding money from her.
I do believe he is on an ego trip with these lower class women. When he left me we lived in a 360 thousand dollar home had just build a vacation home in the mountains of Tenn, our children went to private schools and we had new cars every 2 yrs and wanted for nothing, I also work and make a very good living.
When he left the 2nd wife he had moved her into a good home, with nice things and her kids went to private schools ect. now he is starting over again with another low life.
Let me add he has a sister who is a Catholic nun, an uncle who is a Catholic Priest, and a mother who thinks she is holyer than tho. and a father who left his mother after 25 yr of marriage for another women married her and divorced ect. need i say more
life is really unfair,..i guess we just have to accept the reality..so if someone made a mistake..there is always a chance to pick up the pieces and move on..nobody's perfect anyway..
I AM HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN WHO HAS A FAMILY, I'M ALSO MARRIED. I THINK HE IS CHEATING BECAUSE HE IS NOT HAPPY AT HOME, I KNOW HE ISN'T GOING TO LEAVE HER FOR ME. I DON'T FEEL GUILTY WHEN I'M WITH HIM, I FEEL ATTRACTIVE. HE PLEASES ME AND I PLEASE HIM. I THINK WHEN YOU ARE WITH SOMEONE FOR A LONG TIME YOU LOSE THE SPARKS. HE LIKES TO TRY DIFFERENT THINGS, WHICH MY SPOUSE DOESN'T.
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